I Tremble on the Edge of a Maybe

O God of beginnings
as your spirit moved
over the face of the deep
on the first day of creation,
move with me now,
in my time of beginnings,
when the air is rain-washed
the bloom is on the bush,
and the world seems fresh
and full of possibilities,
and I feel ready and full.
I tremble on the edge of a maybe,
a first time
a new thing,
a tentative start,
and the wonder of it lays its finger on my lips.
In silence, Lord,
I share now my eagerness
and my uneasiness
about this something different
I would be or do:
and I listen for your leading
to help me separate the light
from the darkness
in the change I seek to shape
and which is shaping me. Amen.

Excerpted from: Guerrillas of Grace by Ted Loder, 1984

"A Jacob Prayer"

Lord, I want to love you, yet I'm not sure.
I want to trust you, yet I'm afraid of being taken in.
I know I need you, yet I'm ashamed of the need.
I want to pray, yet I'm afraid of being a hypocrite.
I need my independence, yet I fear to be alone.
I want to belong, yet I must be myself.
Take me, Lord, yet leave me alone.
Lord, I believe; help thou my unbelief.
O Lord, if you are there, you do understand, don't you?
Give me what I need but leave me free to choose.
Help me work it out my own way, but don't let me go.
Let me understand myself, but don't let me despair.
Come unto me, O Lord - I want you there.
Lighten my darkness - but don't dazzle me.
Help me to see what I need to do and give me strength to do it.
O Lord, I believe; help thou my unbelief.

Bernard, SSF, The Oxford Book of Prayer
(Note: The title is not original to the prayer, it was added by Terence Fretheim, prior to discussing Gen 32.22-32.)

"The Buried Life"

But often, in the world's most crowded streets,
But often, in the din of strife,
There rises an unspeakable desire
After the knowledge of our buried life:
A thirst to spend our fire and restless force
In tracking out our true, original course;
A longing to inquire
Into the mystery of this heart which beats
So wild, so deep in us--to know
Whence our lives come and where they go.

Matthew Arnold
"The Buried Life"

A Prayer for the Days of Awe

I am planning to post some prayers in the future and discuss the "problem of evil" as well. First, I would like to share the following literary piece, which I believe covers both of those topics. This article was written by Elie Wiesel, author of Night.

"Master of the Universe, let us make up. It is time. How long can we go on being angry?"

Follow the link to read the entire article:

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9502E7D91F3AF931A35753C1A961958260

Hope Restored Through Remembrance

He has broken my teeth on gravel,
Has ground me into the dust.
My life was bereft of peace,
I forgot what happiness was.
I thought my strength and hope
Had perished before the LORD.

To recall my distress and my misery
Was wormwood and poison;
Whenever I thought of them,
I was bowed low.
But this do I call to mind,
Therefore I have hope:

The kindness of the LORD has not ended,
His mercies are not spent.
They are renewed every morning -- Ample is Your grace!
"The LORD is my portion," I say with full heart;
Therefore will I hope in Him.
The LORD is good to those who trust in Him,
To the one who seeks Him;
It is good to wait patiently
Till rescue comes from the LORD.

- Lamentations 3.16-26

A Time for Prayer

A too often neglected aspect of my relational being is that of prayer. It is most likely the case with many other believers. Certainly I am in constant dialogue with God, "Help!" Why?" "When?" "How?" "Where?" "What?" It often seems as I am an imposing journalist to God seeking answers to these questions! Beyond these prayers of questioning and petition however, my communication with the divine is not always constant. I try to make it a point to pray for others, I have found making a list for this most helpful. Along with my own words, I have found the words of others, reading them as a prayer to be another avenue of helpful communication with God. I do not have a formula or a model for prayer, but one can easily find numerous books on the subject. Some that I have found helpful include: A Primer on Prayer. Ed. Paul R. Sponheim. The Comeplete Works of E.M. Bounds on Prayer, and Richard Foster has a section on prayer in his book Celebration of Discipline. These books are just scratching the surface, but perhaps they will be helpful to any who are interested. One of the most profound statements I have heard on prayer comes from Dr. Doug Cullum. Dr. Cullum was speaking in chapel on Psalm 88, after the tragic death of a fellow classmate. He relayed these words, "...when life crumbles in...pray as you can, not as you can't." With those words in mind, I cling to the relationality with God that is possible through prayer, no matter what the prayer may be. I will be posting various prayers here daily, weekly, and monthly. My hope is that these prayers will be helpful as a means of communicating with God.

"I was ready to be sought by those who did not ask for me; I was ready to be found by those who did not seek me. I said, "Here I am, here I am," to a people that did not call my name."
- Isaiah 65.1-2

October Rush

Many people blog for numerous reasons; personal therapy, to keep in touch with others, academic discussion, political debate, etc. So far my blog has been dealing with a variety of issues, but now I am posting to relay some pieces of my life from the past month or so.

I am currently in my second year of graduate studies. With the change of season came a change schools for me. No longer do I call the Kentucky Bluegrass home. The sprawling Kentucky horse farms have been traded, after some 900 miles, for the 10.000 lakes of Minnesota, and a pair of cities straddling the Mississippi River. I bid farewell to Asbury Theological Seminary, Francis Asbury and his horse, and little John Wesley. I left David, Bill, Andrew, Brad, and the Shack. I grew in many ways in my year in Kentucky and I will always be thankful for the people that I met there and the memories that we made. Home is now a small dorm room at Luther Seminary in St. Paul, Minnesota. I eat, sleep, and study in three adjacent buildings. Sometimes during the early evening one can catch a beautiful sunset with the Minneapolis skyline in the foreground, someday I hope to capture some of it with a picture. Here are two photos of my past and current domains:

The Old Home: Asbury Theological Seminary, Wilmore, KY


The New Home: Luther Seminary, St. Paul, MN

My new home is my first experience living in a major city, or in this case, cities. St. Paul and Minneapolis are full of opportunities that I am looking forward to exploring.

In my next few posts I will be examining Christianity and capitalism, the "problem of evil," and some texts from the Hebrew Bible.